


Something About Sex and Frangipane

by RegalPotato



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Humor, Minor Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 19:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4847060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegalPotato/pseuds/RegalPotato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Party banter between Cassandra and Iron Bull makes Varric realise something. Humour/fluff. Rated T to be safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something About Sex and Frangipane

**Author's Note:**

> So I really like taking party banter and turning it into Cassarric fic...
> 
> Very, very slight spoilers from Trespasser (in that I take a Bull/Cass banter from Trespasser and transplant it into this pre-ending fic, so it’s not really spoilers at all, but I thought I’d mention it)

It starts simply enough; friendly banter between companions, something to ease the tension during long, tedious missions in the arse end of nowhere. It starts innocently enough too. But slowly something changes and Varric finds it unsettling.

“That’s some good armour,” Bull speaks up one day.

“Are you referring to me?” Cassandra turns to face him, surprise etched on her usually stoic face.

“Some high-ranking women wear ornamental crap with tits hammered into it,” Bull explains. “One good shot and all the cleavage gets knocked right into the sternum. Real messy.”

He’s not wrong, but something about the conversation doesn’t feel right to Varric.

“Good on you for going practical.”

“I aim to please.” Cassandra says dryly. Varric can tell she’s as confused as he is at Bull’s topic of choice.

“Leaves something to the imagination too,” the Qunari smirks.

Varric waits for the disgusted noise or the sound of a metal fist impacting Bull’s shoulder guard. Neither sound comes. Instead, he looks over at the Seeker to find her smiling.

Varric finds it _very_ unsettling. And he’s not sure why.

-

They’re on their way back from clearing out a camp of Red Templars when Bull starts up conversation. The Templars had been trying to infect a High Dragon with red lyrium. Varric thinks of Corypheus’ dragon and shudders, thankful the Templars had failed and the dragon hadn’t survived.

“So, I hear you saved the last Divine from a dragon assault!” Bull grins, respect shining in his eyes.

Cassandra sighs and Varric can see her deflate a little at Bull’s comment. “Yes. In my youth. With help.”

“Niiice.”

The conversation slows, Bull apparently not having any more to say, and Varric lets out the breath he hadn’t realised he’s been holding.

“You’re not going to press for the details?” Cassandra asks a moment later, soft surprise evident in her voice.

“Nah…I can see you don’t want to talk about it,” Bull smiles at her and for a moment Varric thinks that’s all the conversation will amount to. But then Bull’s voice dips, “Bet you looked good doing it though.”

Cassandra laughs. A full bodied, happy laugh, eyes shining with mirth, directed at Iron Bull.

Varric’s jaw clenches.

-

They’re in a cave, because apparently they’d gone too long without being in one.

Varric hates caves.

This one is particularly nasty, with overly large stalactites hanging from the cave ceiling, stalagmites jutting out randomly from the ground, and sharp rocks protruding _everywhere_. Even with his smaller stature Varric’s finding it difficult to move without being impaled.

“Urh, keep feeling like I’m gonna bang my horns on this crap.” Bull was probably enjoying this cave the least.

“Would you like me to go first?” Cassandra offers from somewhere behind him.

“I wouldn’t mind the view.” Bull replies and the flirtatious tone in his voice is obvious.

Cassandra’s laugh reverberates around the small space. Varric has to bite his tongue.

-

The next time it happens, they’ve made camp for the night. Cassandra starts the conversation this time, talking to Bull about the Qun and lulling Varric into a false sense of security.

“I am surprise you accept fighting at a woman’s side, Bull. I understood Qunari women didn’t fight.”

“If a Qunari woman really wants to fight and has a gift for it, she becomes Aqun-Athlok. The Aqun-Athlok joins the warriors and is treated as a male. He becomes…a guy, for all intents and purposes.”

“But she wouldn’t physically become male, surely!”

“Doesn’t matter. In the Qun, your role is everything.” Bull’s tone is wistful.

As much as Varric hates the Qun, hates the Qunari for what they did to his home, he’s sorry that Iron Bull is no longer a part of it all.

“And…do you think of me as male, then?” Comes Cassandra’s blunt reply.

Varric snorts from the other side of the campfire before he can stop himself. As if anyone could think of her as male, short hair and short temper aside.

“Depends. In…or out of your armour?”

Varric chokes, on air or saliva he isn’t sure, eyes widening and staring at Cassandra, waiting for her response to Bull’s outlandish comment.

There’s no anger, no violence, not even the famed disgusted noise. Cassandra just rolls her eyes and smiles fondly at the Qunari. The topic of their conversation soon moves on.

Varric’s mind, however, does not. Partially because he is trying to avoid thinking about Cassandra out of her armour – soft curves, tanned skin, legs that don’t stop – because he’s _not_ attracted to the Seeker damn it, and partially because he still can’t get his head around The Iron Bull flirting with the Seeker and, more importantly, her allowing it.

And then it hits.

Why does it bother him at all?

-

They’re staying at Caer Bronach for the final night in Crestwood before the trek back to Skyhold. Cassandra is discussing something of importance with Charter and Lyri knows anything necessary will be brought to her attention. So she lounges by one of the large fires, leaning against Bull and fighting off sleep as she listens to him talk with Varric.

When Varric leaves to turn in for the night, Lyri sits up and turns to face the Qunari.

“Bull, can you explain something to me?” She asks him shyly, still not used to everyone’s willingness to answer her never ending curiosity.

“Sure, Shortstuff.”

“Why do you flirt with Cassandra so much?”

He laughs. “Because I flirt with everyone and she enjoys it. Why not?”

“Because you didn’t do it at all when we were in the Hinterlands last week,” Lyri pauses and takes in the smirk on the Qunari’s face. She chews her bottom lip as she thinks. “Varric wasn’t with us then…”

Lyri looks up at Iron Bull, the question open on her face. He laughs again.

“Why do you only flirt with Cassandra when Varric’s around?” She asks him at last.

“Because that old stick in the mud is smitten and doesn’t even know it. I’m just helping him figure it out.”

“What?” Lyri’s eyes widen and she sits up straighter. “Varric _likes_ Cassandra? How do you…”

“Ben-Hassrath, remember,” he winks at her.

“But…” she trails off. Bull raises the eyebrow above his good eye, mouth twisting into a smirk.

“They fight. A lot. Like you and Dorian do!”

Bull’s smirk turns suggestive. Lyri jumps up with a cry.

“You and Dorian are together?!” She nearly screams. “Fenedhis. Fen’Harel ma halam.”

The curses slip from her mouth, accidental, and she blushes, glancing at Bull in apology.  He grins, grabs her arm at the wrist, and pulls her back down to sit beside him.

“I thought Dorian had told you, Shortstuff,” it’s as close to an apology as she’s going to get. “I don’t think he’s all that comfortable about the situation yet.”

“It’s fine.” She smiles at him, her anger already forgotten. “I can kind of understand Varric and Cassandra now though…they bicker worse than you and Dorian ever have.”

“Exactly. And I’m just helping Varric along. He really needs his eyes opened…”

“And getting him jealous will work?”

Bull smiles.

-

“That was some solid work back there, Seeker.”

“You as well.”

“The way you backhanded that guy with your shield and then damn near chopped him in half?” Bull grins and smashes a meaty fist into his palm. “Hey, are you as turned on as I am right now?”

Cassandra splutters, “am I what?!”

Lyri laughs and the sound covers Varric’s own splutter of surprise.

“That’s probably impossible anyway.” The Qunari shrugs, impudent smile upon his face.

Cassandra sighs, shaking her head with a slight twist to her lips. “I enjoy fighting at your side, Bull.”

“Same here, Seeker.”

There’s a pause, the conversation seems to be over, but then Varric catches the Seeker’s eyes. Something there makes him hold his breath. He knows this is it - the peak of the last few months’ worth of flirtatious banter. He can tell it’s coming when he looks at her and sees Cassandra’s eyes _sparkle_.

“But I will also enjoy returning to Skyhold,” she says innocently, face stern and serious as always. Then her voice changes, her accent becomes thicker, “and sinking slowly into a steaming, hot bath, sprinkled with rose petals.”

The Iron Bull’s reply - something about sex and frangipane - is drowned out by the roaring in Varric’s ears. He bites his leather covered knuckles and groans. He imagines her naked, soapy water and rose petals covering her modesty, long tanned legs stretching for eternity, a sensual smirk on her face.

Varric swallows. He could just about take the Qunari flirting with the Seeker. Just about. But to have her flirt back...

Jealousy – because he’d finally come to the embarrassing conclusion that he was jealous – aside, he doesn’t think he could take listening to Cassandra’s lewd suggestions without breaking the nearest object in frustrated lust. _Shit._

-

They arrive at Skyhold early the next morning. The party disbands, bathes, and rests after a hard few weeks fighting. It’s evening when Varric finds himself outside the blacksmith’s and – for all intents and purposes – Cassandra’s door.

He takes a deep breath, pushes open the door and storms up the stairs quickly, before he can change his mind. When he reaches the top, he falters slightly before letting his knuckles tap faintly against the wooden beam.

Cassandra turns from where she’d been staring out the window, a smile flitting across her face so quickly Varric knows he must have imagined it.

“Varric?”

“I…”

He’s lost for words. He has no idea what to say, how to even begin explaining…whatever he came to talk to her about.

 _Fuck it._  

In a few quick strides he’s in front of her and - fully expecting to be punched or brutally murdered – reaching behind her neck to pull her into a fierce and searing kiss. She gasps a little in surprise and he takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, tightening his hold on her. Her gasp turns into a groan as he slips his tongue into her mouth.

Her hands grip the fabric over his shoulders and for a moment Varric thinks she’s trying to push him away, but she’s pulling him closer, making sounds that he promises he’ll hear again, and the terror that had grasped at his chest lifts.

Slowly they pull apart. Cassandra’s eyes are bright, a small but shy smile twists across her lips, and the movement of her shoulders betrays how out of breath she feels.

Varric swallows, trying to get moisture back into a mouth that has suddenly gone dry. “I…”

He still has no words, nothing to explain why he just did what he did.

Never ceasing to amaze him, Cassandra’s smile grows, her eyes narrow slightly and an almost primal smirk appears on her face.

“Took you long enough, dwarf.”

She laughs at his dumbstruck expression and Varric is sure he can hear a Qunari laughing as well. 


End file.
